Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
