he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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