Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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