Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
