i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
