just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
