so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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