You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
