So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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