3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
