also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
