I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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