boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
