sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
