by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
