I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
