I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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