oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
