birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
