So drunk its hurt
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We have started to decorate penises.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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