my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
