Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
