A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
