my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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