So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
