She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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