NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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