I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
