Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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