brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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