I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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