and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
