I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He shit in the fireplace
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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