May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
