this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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