Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
