If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
