By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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