You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We are all done wearing pants today
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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