suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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