Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
