I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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