I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
