No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
