they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
