Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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