he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
