I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
