haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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