she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
