I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
