she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
