At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
