he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
